First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
