Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
