He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
