so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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