I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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