My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
