she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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