I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
