Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
