Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
More tranny stories later!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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