Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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