Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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