i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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