Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
