So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
