Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
