Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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