So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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