You just made me feel so damn special
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
