I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
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Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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