You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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