im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
