Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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