Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
