Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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