You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
