And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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