My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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