After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
