just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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