I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
