Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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