Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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