Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
