david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
