sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
