If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
