I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
