I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
