We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
