Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just high enough for therapy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
