A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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