I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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