Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You may now shotgun with the bride
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize