In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Drunk is not a location!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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