at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
