you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
