yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
