living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
