you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
