haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
