question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
