Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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