can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
