He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
