I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
