I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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