I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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