I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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