Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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