hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
