Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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