So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
