hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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