he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
