I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
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I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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