god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize