Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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