Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
