I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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