You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
