Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
