Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
