Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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