If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You can't motorboat a personality
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
